Breast Milk Chronicles: How To Feed Your Baby When They Won't Latch
My Breastfeeding Journey
Up until now, I have kept this blog series as informative as possible; to share the data and information that I found helpful while I was in ‘preparation mode’. You may have the impression that, because I did research and consulted so many resources on breastfeeding, perhaps my breastfeeding journey was smooth and straightforward. It was nothing of the sort.
Before my little guy was born, I knew breastfeeding was an experience I wanted to try, but was also open to calling it quits when it no longer worked for our family. Although “Breast is Best” kept on being quoted to me, I knew formula was also a great option. I had heard from many experienced mothers that latching was tricky and sometimes the biggest hurdle in getting started. That’s why I was so shocked when my bean boy latched as soon as he came out, while we were skin-to-skin. I remember thinking to myself, “Really? This is hard for some mothers?” Karma would make sure I regretted that thought, as he never latched directly to me ever again.
For days, I would try to get my baby to latch. I tried all the tricks I could find online but was met with a wailing newborn, too overwhelmed by the new world around him to try to figure out how to latch on to me to get the milk he so desperately cried for. It was intensely frustrating.
The lactation consultant in the hospital said it was because he was “so new and young”. She told me he would “eventually” get the hang of it. The virtual lactation consultant said that the trick was consistency and there would be a moment where it would “click”. After three days of convincing myself I had failed at one of the most natural things a woman is supposed to do, I finally met with a lactation consultant in person. I told myself “third time’s the charm. Maybe she can finally figure out what I am doing wrong” (because it has to be me, right?).
With her help and the help of the nipple shield she recommended, I was finally able to get Bean to latch. I was ecstatic. We were finally able to have all the amazing bonding and antibody benefits that come with breastfeeding!
Up until now, I had been pumping and bottle feeding, which worked fine but wasn’t the experience I was envisioning. Now that we knew we could nurse with the help of a nipple shield, we were off and I was motivated to try to use that as a teaching tool for us. I was determined to have that nursing experience I had envisioned, where my baby and I sit harmoniously together. Perhaps this was the way to help him learn to latch naturally.
For months, my Bean and I worked together at breastfeeding with the nipple shield. No matter how good he got with breastfeeding through the shield, as soon as I took it away, he would crumble to pieces and fall into a fit. Even with him drawing from the breast with the shield, he wasn’t able to empty the breast as well as he could from a bottle. After a bit on the breast, he would detach and start crying for a bottle instead. I was forced to pump the remaining milk for his next meal. We were working so hard at building the skills of breastfeeding, but the real kicker was my return to work 6 weeks after birth.
Parental leave is atrocious in the USA. Moms do not have the time they need to heal their body, heal their mind, balance their hormones, and learn how to be a mom. In my opinion, that takes the full first year of the baby’s life. I recognize this is neither the time nor the place for this discussion, so I will table this for a future post.
After 6 week, it was my turn to cry and sob as I returned to work and left my baby with his father for the duration of the workday. My Bean and I could focus on breastfeeding only before or after work hours. The constant changing between breast and bottle feeding probably didn’t help us in our ambitions to have Bean get the hang of nursing. Then, one day, shield or no shield, he rejected the breast altogether. The feeling of rejection cut so deep I couldn’t keep myself together the entire day. I remember that day vividly. It felt like a personal attack on all of the work we had put into breastfeeding. I know it wasn’t. He was a baby and it was an off day, but from then on, I started relying on the pump a bit more. That feeling of rejection cut so deep, it was hard to want to nurse again.
Pumping and bottle feeding was safe. I knew that a bottle wouldn’t be met with a temper tantrum or melt down. So, out of exhaustion and fear of rejection, pumping became the option I led with. I initially felt so much defeat in it. We had come so far and spent months, day in and day out on trying to learn to nurse. All of that work to eventually find being an exclusive pumper at the end of the journey? I was initially crushed. I have to admit though…looking back on it, I am so glad we transitioned to pumping.
My breastfeeding journey could have ended after the first 3 days of failing to latch. We could have called it quits at the 6 week mark, when I had to return to work. I contemplated being done when my Bean rejected the boob and stopped working on breastfeeding with me. But I didn’t. Bean made an obvious preference to breast milk over formula, and I felt so much pride in supplying him with the milk he so desperately wanted.
Switching to being an exclusive pumper gave me the extension in my breastfeeding journey that I otherwise wouldn’t have had. It gave my husband the opportunity to feed our son. It gave me a break from constantly fixating on nursing. It gave me flexibility to pump on my schedule.
It certainly wasn’t the breastfeeding journey I envisioned for myself, but it is what I had and I am thankful for it.
Tips for Exclusive Pumpers
As appreciative as I am to my pump for allowing me to continue feeding my Bean breast milk, being an Exclusive Pumper (EP) does have a few downsides.
First, the time commitment isn’t easy to balance. I will say, it is better than being a triple feeder. While Bean and I were still trying to hash out breastfeeding, I was triple feeding: breastfeeding, pumping, and bottle feeding. It felt like my entire day was centered around how to get breast milk out of me and into my baby! Switching to EP at least cut down on one feeding option, but it is still a good chunk of time to dedicate.
TIP: Early on, you should expect to pump every 3 hours to build a supply. Yes, even during the night. And yes, I totally get it…it sucks. I remember looking over and my peaceful, dozing husband as I was pumping at the side of the bed at 4 am, eye-twitchingly exhausted. I kept that going for months, but you should only need to keep up that schedule for 6-8 weeks until your milk supply is at a point where it’s more regulated. I kept that going for over 3 months and became an oversupplier.
If being an oversupplier is your ambitions, go for it. It was great to have a ton of milk! But it was also a pain to have constantly full breasts, and I felt shackled to the house because my breasts dictated I pump every few hours. It was hard to get out of the house, or reset.
Another bummer with EP is that I felt like I was building more of a connection with my breast pump than I was my baby. Alright, I may be exaggerating a bit here, but being tied to the breast pump gets tiresome after a while. You’re constantly washing pump parts, making sure your pump is charged, or replacing diaphragms. Then there’s the whole job of making sure the milk is properly bagged and labeled before it goes in the fridge. It does feel like a whole other job to have to maintain your pump.
One big help with this annoyance was to rely more on my partner to help. He was amazing and was always asking what else he could do to make things easier. We would take turns cleaning the pump parts so neither of us got burned out on the repetition. He became “Master Milk Manager,” taking the milk and bagging/labeling it for us. It was a huge uplift to me to have those items off my plate!
TIP: My recommendation is to be open with your partner on how they can support your breastfeeding journey. They may not be producing the milk, but they are part of the journey too. The job of making breast milk was something I knew my husband felt a little helpless in, so vocalizing where he could help gave him a chance to be a part of the success in getting breast milk for our little guy.
One last downside to EP was that my body wasn’t able to tailor the milk if Bean needed it altered. As you learned in Part 2 of the Breast Milk Chronicles, breast milk composition and components can change depending on what the baby needs. When a baby latches to their mother, the saliva travels from the breast into the mother’s body to allow her to tailor make the perfect breast milk for her baby. With EP, you don’t get that since the baby isn’t latching. There is no tip or way around this, it simply is what it is. Breast milk is still amazing and exactly what your baby needs regardless, but I missed having that extra layer of protection for my little guy.
Don’t Worry; Be Happy
It should go without saying but everyone’s breastfeeding journey is going to be different. Also, the breastfeeding journey you anticipate you will have may look nothing like the reality that unfolds. And that’s okay. Breastfeeding is hard. And it is a choice.
Personally, I feel like my journey with my baby brought us even closer because of all the struggle and work we put in. We made it to 7 months of breast milk before I realized that it was hurting more than it was helping. We had a supply in the freezer and I was burnt out, so we made the decision to transition to formula with milk to supplement.
In transitioning to formula, I was able to be an even better version of myself for my baby. I was able to be more patient and present for him, and that meant the world to me. I am glad to have switched to formula when I did. And I am proud of myself to have lasted as long as I did pumping and trying to nurse.
There is so much love in having a baby, but don’t forget to love yourself too. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to breastfeed a certain way if that’s the route you go. The best laid plans rarely work out, so try to be flexible and realistic to what you can handle in those moments. Most importantly, love yourself as much as you love your baby. However you are feeding your baby, they are getting everything they need. Because of you.
And that is a beautiful thing.
