How To Support Your Baby to Sleep (Without Cry It Out)
Nature has done a fantastic job of arming parents with a natural sense of how to care for a baby. Call it “Dad reflexes” or “Mom instincts”, no one knows your baby’s cries, preferences and needs better than you do. So why is it that when it comes to teaching a baby to sleep, we often act in direct conflict to our natural instincts with sleep training?
It’s well known, especially for those who have already gone through it, that sleep training is painful for both baby and parents. When talking to my pediatrician about it, I remember being told, “There will be tears, from both you and from the baby.” With countless sleep training methods out there, it's no wonder that parents are often tempted by the promise of a full night's sleep. But let's take a closer look at one particular approach: "Cry It Out" and similar strategies that advocate for letting babies learn to “self-sooth” by crying themselves to sleep. In this article, we're going to challenge the concept of self-soothing and delve into why this popular sleep training method may not be as beneficial as it seems.
The Myth of Self-Soothing:
We've all heard the term "self-soothing" thrown around in the realm of sleep training. Whether it’s Ferber, or another CIO-type sleep training method, the idea is that babies can learn to calm themselves down and fall asleep on their own after crying for a set amount of time. However, here's the truth: babies simply cannot self-soothe in the way we often think. The part of their brain responsible for self-soothing doesn't even start to develop until around age 3. So, when a baby eventually stops crying and falls asleep after a long and distressing crying episode, it's not self-soothing but a defense mechanism kicking in. Some babies can self-settle, meaning the baby can put themselves to sleep when they are in a calm state. The issue then is, how can I get my baby to self-settle when they are crying and upset?
The Importance of Co-Soothing:
Babies do not know how to deescalate themselves when they become upset and overwhelmed. They need our help to regulate their emotions and find comfort. Co-soothing, which involves providing gentle support and reassurance, is crucial for helping babies calm down and fall asleep in a healthy manner. It is through many, many of these instances of co-soothing that babies learn to self-settle over time. They learn to self-settle through demonstration over and over again.
Building Neural Pathways:
By responding to our babies' cries and offering comfort, we help them build the necessary neural pathways in their developing brains. Co-soothing repeatedly teaches babies that they are safe and loved, which leads to the gradual development of self-settling skills. It's a process that takes time, patience, and plenty of nurturing interactions.
The Downside of Cry It Out:
While proponents of Cry It Out methods argue that it teaches babies to be independent sleepers, the approach can have negative consequences. Leaving a baby to cry for extended periods may cause increased stress levels and heightened anxiety. Babies need to feel secure and connected to their caregivers, especially during vulnerable moments like bedtime.
Alternatives to Sleep Training:
Instead of relying solely on sleep training methods that emphasize self-soothing, there are alternative approaches to consider. Baby-led routines, gentle sleep guidance, and responsive parenting techniques can create a nurturing sleep environment that fosters healthy sleep habits without compromising emotional well-being.
When it comes to sleep training, it's essential to critically evaluate the methods and their potential impacts on our babies' emotional development. The idea of babies magically self-soothing through crying is a myth that can lead to unnecessary distress for both you and your baby. By understanding the importance of co-soothing and providing a loving, responsive environment, we can support our babies' sleep needs while nurturing their emotional well-being.
Remember, every baby is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Nature gave parents instincts for a reason. Trust your instincts as a parent and seek out approaches that prioritize both sleep and emotional connection. Above else, be patient with your little one. It’s tiresome to continue to wake up with them for months on end, but this time will pass and your little one WILL sleep through the night at some point. Have faith that what you know to be the right path for your baby, is the right path for your family.
Together, we can create a nurturing sleep environment that supports our little ones on their journey to restful nights and healthy development.
Sleep easy, my friends.
Disclaimer: This blog post aims to present an alternative perspective on sleep training methods. Always consult with your pediatrician or a sleep specialist to find the best approach for your baby's unique needs and your family's preferences.
